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Fear, Pt. 2 or Genetically Fucked

from Crooked Skirt, Vol. 1 by First Dress

/

lyrics

My mother tried to kill herself when I was young. The last time I spoke to her in person she told me, "If you want to kill yourself so bad, then just do it."

My father killed himself on Halloween in 2014. I hadn't spoken to him in ten years.

(My brother told me I should have killed myself a long time ago.)

The last time I tried to kill myself was March of 2015. I overdosed on Lithium and Seroquel and went for a walk. I hoped I'd be dead before anyone could find me but I was wrong. I don't think I'm done trying to kill myself.

I lie to the doctors when they ask if I have thoughts of hurting other people: I do every day.

I lie to the doctors when they ask if I see or hear anything that no one else does: I do every day.

I have lightening and lava in my brain. There are other people living inside my brain. Sometimes they have more control over this body than I do. I don't even know which personality 'I' am, or if 'I' am even real.

I'm afraid that my daughter will grow up and have a diseased brain like me. I'm afraid I have no future. I'm afraid I'll fail.

I am afraid of everything around me because I don't know what is real and what isn't.

credits

from Crooked Skirt, Vol. 1, released January 8, 2017

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The Shakhbûrz Files Colorado Springs, Colorado

This is a collection of noise and other sounds from Dakota Snaketail.

(Shakhbûrz is Black Speech for 'Dark Lord'.)

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